Lets get personal my remaining followers, I used to have a lot of followers… well kinda mainly from jamesnord who you all know and kari-shma helping me get off the ground in tumblr back in the day. Similar to life it was ebb and flow, but I peaked at around 4,213 followers or so? Not that it matters I used to have more likes when I had 800 active followers who were amazing and i got to know and do shoots with and even visit and they could crash at my place. since 2009/10 I made over 30 close tumblr friends, 5 photo gigs with tumblr ppl for shoots and gained over 200 solid acquaintances who I text on and off. tumblr has changed a lot of our lives and now that i have a meager 1494 followers almost after a much needed 18 month break.
I realized I am not upset I am relieved. Since I work in media and marketing and mainly the digital principle I always wanted to “win” a post like having a successful campaign launch. Now i know it does matter this is my tumblr so fuck off klout score that dropped 16 points to 57. screw off activity meter thing. take a walk email notification alert. leave me alone crap-tastic red circled numbers.
All we wanted when we got here was to meet one person and make a difference in one persons life. And i have and you have and we know it. That said I am happy to now follow most great blogs who follow me kinda… ok wait were are being honest. I only follow blogs that don’t have gifs or cartoons or violent things and over the top non artistic nudes… so only around 8% so around 100-200 tumblers i follow interact with and msg. follow for follow pisses everyone off… life like tumblr is not a competition, it is a beautiful singular journey that happens only once, so don’t countdown just count up.
How does this all relate to this photo in yoga of my friend and instructor? I had not seen her in almost two gears with work, travel, mba, nanis heart attack, depression, moving, traveling over 216k miles last yr and oh ya me and nani getting run over and my mom losing her job twice in two yrs all while gaining and losing weight after a divorce. i wont lie i struggle to be happy most days but i do win and even for a minute it counts as a victory. i weighed 278 when married and have been as fit as 172 after, but i was still not happy… and still not happy just hungry and skinny girl bitchy. now i am in a life change process. i turn 30 in 30 days and in the last 6 months lost over 18 lbs and back to a maintainable weight close to 200. Again with the numbers right? Point is how it all relates to the picture.
Maintenance for one self is integral. Be selfish with your health and education. Be generous with your love, protective of your heart, and never vengeful to anyone. Love your mother, brother, grandma, aunt, cousins and anyone who touched your life, which includes a few best friends not all of them.
Pick wisely and select with didactic purpose your soul mate. I chose wrong once and then like 172 times after (number of women i dated in 4 years post divorce. Now the one i choose will be careful, precise and in three years. Not after I hit six figure salary again which i have done in four jobs as a media director, but when I feel right (and ok cross 250k mark and finally have my stupid aston or supra). Not to digress, but I feel vulnerable and I have been on the elliptical for 37 mins writing this confession.
Those who read this far and even msg me or like or just read it and feel emotion or relate to it are the real friends, the real followers the real NUMBERS that matter.
I am glad we didn’t have a divorce tumblr and followers and i missed you all. I miss nyc i mias james and karishma who i try my best to be a good friend too but i suck. they both rescued from dark places. I am talking locked in my room for a week at a time when i lost a client or job worth tons of money, or even post break up or after a family death i didn’t speak to anyone other human for there months while aboard in another country.
That said if you ever try to ask your own questions to your self, you will only hear one sided and most likely retarded answers from your self.
NO one did “it” or made “it” alone even if its 100k or 250k or a million or trillion or found the one you love alone. We all need help so talk a lot, but be smart and concise. Talk to your family and friends a moderate and honest amount…not too much. See a therapist or counselor if you need one, i am. No shame in self preservation of the mind and body. My ex wife and one ex gf who did a number on me and to this day still lies and haunts and hunts me hated counseling and stopped after one session (and paid the lady cash in singles to show her disrespect on purpose).
In the end helping yourself, helps those around you because we all love you even a little, and some a lot. If you are reading this chances are I have loved you a little as a friend or more, but I never would say it because I do have a beautiful and loyal girlfriend in Philadelphia. Yes long distance sucks and it may work or it may not but we will try and give it a winning shot if not she will always be my best friend from Bucknell. With 11 years of friendship we probably wont fail but i will never move for a woman again ever, nor should she… just be patient and if it doesn’t work since it is such new young love it could grow back later in 20 years when I am almost 50…? Also i don’t mention her to most because not due to it being kinda recent but its my private life but if u ask i always tell and on ig and twitter it is very obvious.
Life is complex enough, so don’t go making it even worse. Play hard, work smart and go home to the ones you love with a full heart and no ego.
and probably still a lost and hopeless romantic soul singh in trouble..
ps. I will not leave again i promise, but breaks albeit short are ok for everyone
pps. pardon the grammar and spelling I only can proof so much in motion.
ppl tags sorry i cant do them all on mobile its being retarded, but i wan to thank at least like 400-900 of u in person. thatkindofwoman thesluttyduchess theresepieces dylannord zare-ena amyyy suneilsmalhotra cyclingon stylegirlfriend superdanger-us oneofthefruits and those i am not able to tag for some weird reason on tumblr- shivani, maza-dohta, lacey, purpleishboots idonteatpurplethings sam abertnathy, steph, ken, laura, ashley, betina, rich tong, suz, anu, lee, shwan and like so many more I can’t remember, thanks and clearly u all mean the world to me.